


Musings of Lt. Col. Johanne Laurens

by korasami



Series: Continental Ladies - Lams AU [1]
Category: American Revolution RPF, Historical RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Crossdressing, F/F, Gen, Genderfluid Character, Wartime Crossdressing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-02
Updated: 2015-07-02
Packaged: 2018-04-07 06:18:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4252578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/korasami/pseuds/korasami
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Johanne has no intention of keeping up the ruse after the war was over, but that doesn't mean she is willing to let her secret slip before then.</p><p>(AU in which "Johanne" Laurens dresses as a man to enlist in the Revolutionary War.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Musings of Lt. Col. Johanne Laurens

**Author's Note:**

> This was written as part of a longer story, "As You Like It", but the two parts didn't mesh—sorry for the abrupt-ish ending in advance, part two is next in the series.
> 
> Really, this is just an excuse to write Lams femmeslash.

An understanding man Henry Laurens might not have always been, but Johanne knew she would be forever greatful for her father's support in her enlisting in the Continental Army. She remembers with distinct clarity the nervousness she had felt when asking her father for permission—the same wave of giddy anxiety she had felt when confronted about the nature of her relationship with Martha Manning. Yet this time, the case wasn't that of her father's immidiate disapproval slowly evolving into a shaky acceptance; after Johanne had given her prepared speech, her father had grudgingly supported the proposition after just a few days of mulling. (However, Johanne muses, perhaps his reaction to her unusual sensual preferences would have gone over slightly better if she had prepared a similar speech, rather than have her father enter her room with her dear Martha busy at work between her legs.)

And Johanne remembers the feeling of exhilaration while her father instructed on how to behave the part of a man and a soldier, treating her for once like an equal rather than a delicate flower. (Johanne does truly believe she is a woman, unlike Martha's friend Margaret whom preferred to be called "Joseph" and "he", but she does envy man's freedom and liberty do do as he pleases.) The excitement and terror when she cut her hair to match the length of her male peers, foregoing the forced curls she wore in favor of securing her straight hair in a tightly drawn-back bow. Her father had taught her how to properly powder, and how to maintain her looks; how to shave, or at least mimick the appearance of it, was a staple lesson which Johanne finds even now to be much more difficult than it had appeared. She figures her father enjoyed the lessons, for he too values masculinity, and although Johanne's own wasn't conventional, the pride of setting one's child up for the world leaves behind a certain glamor. That Johanne had promised—a lie—that she would try her best to stay out of trouble sweetened the request considerably.

The most trying aspect of presenting as a man fit for the Continental Army was binding her chest. Johanne never did consider herself particularly well endowed in that arena, perhaps residing on the larger side of average to go proportionally with the rest of her figure, but the battle to pass as flat chested was a nightmare to resolve. She had found her answer in her ever-knowledgable Martha, whose friend Joseph used a homemade compression corset. She cut a fine figure in men's clothing once fitted with her own, one altered to be more appropriate for battlefield agility, and the attractiveness stayed once she had acquired a Contintental uniform of her own.

She had been overjoyed to have gotten into the army without interruption. Her facade had held. Keeping up the ruse, however, was a constant struggle. In the openness of the soldiers' quarters, one could hardly go three feet without seeing a bare chest or nonchalant genitalia. Johanne quickly garnered the reputation as a prudish man due to her unwillingness to undress before others, but she spread a rumor regarding embarrassing scars she did not actually possess and the whisperings slowly died down.

There was also the unfortunate matter of her menstration, which battlefield commonalities proved to be both a blessing and a curse towards. On the one hand, in the confines of war's context, nobody ever thought twice of her washing out a bloody rag or scrubbing at a red sheet stain. On the other, Johanne had always been cursed with the longest and most uncomfortable spells of bleeding, and there was no excuse for a seemingly male soldier to go out of duty every month. Despite the often unbearable situation, she preserves.

She becomes Lieutenant Colonel John Laurens.

Sometimes, even after so long of this disguise, Johanne finds it difficult to live under a new name. "Colonel Laurens" is familiar enough to her ear that she doesn't hesitate to respond to it, but to those more friendly with her, the alias of "John" sounds too foreign at times to draw her attention. She feels almost guilty when her friends and superiors fail to gain her attention with it, but after awhile she became more comfortably responsive to the name. She is grateful for her comrade Lafayette's French accent, as his sharpening of the "J" was quite like that of her given name, but the very peculiar West Indian lilt which her fellow Colonel Hamilton employs often twists her chosen name to something almost unrecognizable when Johanne is not paying attention.

There is, too, that matter of Colonel Hamilton. Out of all the acquaintances she has made while fighting for her country, Alexander is by far her closest companion. Hiding her secret—especially upon realizing Alexander took to dubbing her his "dear boy" or some similar variant—proved to cause, on occasion, an uncomfortable settling in her mind. This feeling of being out of place is only temporary, Johnanne knows, but the difficulty of concealing herself became completely unbearable very quickly. There will be a time and a place to reveal her true identity to him, perhaps after the war when everything else has been said and done.

(It is completely silly, but if Johanne is being honest with herself, she wishes Alexander will consider eloping with her once he discovers the truth, if only to save her from an unwanted union her father was bound to push in an attempt to further the Laurens name and fortune. She has not voiced this hope to anyone, nor does she plan on doing so in the near future, but she has seen the way Alexander looks at her. It's a bit intesting, in all honesty, that this man whose attraction seems to extend towards his own sex to fall for a secret woman whose inclination falls in the same direction. If only he knew!)

If Alexander did make a move, which was unlikely given the circumstances, Johanne was unsure on how she would react. Alexander was an attractive man, from her objective standpoint, but his lack of certain womanly gems which she so fervently adored prevented her from entertaining any concrete feelings towards him. She has long since understood her attraction begins and ends with the fairer sex, and she wasn't willing to let Colonel Hamilton with his feminine-like beauty to challenge that.

(The hilarious irony which comes from their closeness, Johanne thinks, is she at times appears more masculine than Alexander! Granted, she does take measures to effect her face's appearance with dark powder whenever possible, but she finds the situation all around quite funny.)

While lost in her thoughts, Johanne did not hear anybody enter her tent. Now, however, a background nagging catches her attention with an abrupt rise of volume.

"—ohn, John. Colonel Laurens!"

Johanne jumps, black ink spilling all over her hands and the letter she had been writing to her father regarding the manumission of South Carolinian slaves.

Damn.

**Author's Note:**

> Continued in "As You Like It".


End file.
